Hey guys! Guess what time it is! It’s time to remind us all how the movies can break us and have us leaving the theater like our balls got shoved in a blender. You can’t just see the good ones, am I right? (No, not really…) Well… I saw some bad ones this year and here’s my list of the 5 worst.
#5: FANT4STIC (Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, and Jamie Bell)
Who’s shocked? Yeah, not a single one of you. But you might be wondering why I think this is so far down the list of the worst movies. This is because there is SOME redeeming value to it and it’s the only elements that surpassed the original two movies, and that is the special effects. Clearly, that’s where the budget went. Technically, this is one of the best looking superhero movies made. Even The Thing looked better than the original. But beyond that… yeah, no the acting is horrible, the story is jumbled, the script is awful, the MANY plots make no sense… it has potential. We all know it, but no one can make a decent movie out of this. There’s a fair amount of controversy surrounding the movie and why it turned out so bad, but regardless, this movie is terrible. (IMDb rating: 4.3/10 – as of 12/30/2015)
#4: SELF/LESS (Ryan Reynolds, Natalie Martinez, Matthew Goode, and Ben Kingsley)
The true crime of this movie is how pointless the cast is. Oh yeah, Reynolds is great, Kingsley is great, but their greatness is not there. Their talent is thrown down the shitter with a script that is boring, forgettable, and therefore the rest of the movie is the same way. It also doesn’t help that the cast seems to feel the same way in their expressions. Even they don’t seem to WANT to give a good performance. It’s a pointless as fuck movie. (IMDb rating: 6.5/10 – as of 12/30/2015)
#3: ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE ROAD CHIP (Jason Lee, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Josh Green, and Tony Hale)
Really, do I need to say why this movie sucks? It’s a live-action Chipmunks movie. But never mind that this was the fourth movie that no one asked for, but this movie is not only completely unfunny, but the humor is directed to idiots. That’s the demographic. Even kids know this movie is awful. It completely spits in the face of the original cartoon and what made that show timeless and fun. It’s a piece of shit, people, enough said. (IMDb rating: 3.7/10 – as of 12/30/2015)
#2: DADDY’S HOME (Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, and Linda Cardellini)
Pretty sure I spelled Ferrell’s name wrong throughout my full review, but I gave no shit for this movie. Zero effort went into this. This movie was insulting to me. It was 90 minutes of horrible jokes and I didn’t laugh at all. Only the last ten minutes of the film got a chuckle out of me. I never liked Ferrell as an actor, he’s never been funny to me, Wahlberg was disappointing, the characters are unbearably frustrating and unrealistic, it’s incredibly mean-spirited, I hated this movie so much. (IMDb rating: 6.6/10 – as of 12/30/2015)
DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!
#1: JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS (Audrey Peeples, Juliette Lewis, Stefanie Scott, and Molly Ringwald)
This was a special kind of horrible. It’s the most confused movie I’ve ever seen and it’s trying to be relevant because it constantly references Youtube. Holy hell does it fail. I can’t get into it on this, but believe me when I tell you, if you look really closely, this movie is downright rotten and even sick. Bar-none, THE worst movie of the year with NO redeeming value whatsoever. (IMDb rating: 3.4/10 – as of 12/30/2015)