These “transfer” reviews are from when I only did reviews on my Facebook page back in 2015. Bare in mind when reading these, I didn’t have the same formula in my review writing that I do now, and my usual “who starred and who directed” information is completely absent, so everything “italicized” is new. With that said, enjoy this review from 2015.
Before you get curious, no, I’m not a fan of the first one. Not because I didn’t like it, but because I didn’t see it. Had no interest in seeing it. Can you blame me? I’m a red-blooded heterosexual male.
A movie about male strippers wasn’t exactly up my alley. Of course, when it did come out, I was hearing some pretty good things about it. Despite the obvious premise, I heard that the story was pretty well written and heart-felt with a sympathetic protagonist and a fantastic performance by Matthew McConaughey. Despite it all, still never saw it. The only reason I saw the sequel was because my work was doing an “employee screening,” and I thought to myself, “free movie.” The best kind, right? Even if I wasn’t interested in the movie itself.
Starring: Channing Tatum (KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE , THE HATEFUL EIGHT , G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA , COACH CARTER , and upcoming films SMALLFOOT  and GAMBIT ), Amber Heard (JUSTICE LEAGUE , THE DANISH GIRL , ZOMBIELAND , and the upcoming AQUAMAN ), Joe Manganiello (SMURFS: THE LOST VILLAGE , SABOTAGE , SPIDER-MAN , and upcoming films RAMPAGE  and DRUNK PARENTS ), and Matt Bomer (THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN , THE NICE GUYS , and TV show CHUCK [2007 – 2012])
Support: Kevin Nash (JOHN WICK , THE LONGEST YARD , THE PUNISHER , and the upcoming ANDERS MANOR ), Jada Pinkett Smith (GIRLS TRIP , THE MATRIX RELOADED , THE NUTTY PROFESSOR , and the upcoming ANGEL HAS FALLEN ), Michael Strahan (LEGO NINJAGO , ICE AGE: COLLISION COURSE , and apparently was a propmaker on the set of THE MAZE RUNNER ), Donald Glover (SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING , THE MARTIAN , and upcoming films SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY  and THE LION KING ), and Elizabeth Banks (PITCH PERFECT 3 , THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY – PART 2 , DEFINITELY, MAYBE , SLITHER , and the upcoming HAPPYTIME MURDERS )
Director: Gregory Jacobs (stuff I’ve never heard of). Screenwriter: Reid Carolin (MAGIC MIKE  and the upcoming GAMBIT). There is no composer for this film. Cinematographer/Editor: Steven Soderbergh (LOGAN LUCKY , THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE , SOLARIS , and the upcoming UNSANE )
Story on top (SPOILERS), review on bottom.
It’s been a few years since Mike Lane (Channing Tatum) has been on the pole and lives a quiet life making furniture. Things get interrupted when he gets a call from a collegue, Tarzan (Kevin Nash) that their former boss passed away. Turns out it was a prank to get Mike to join them for a party and talk up a big male stripping blowout in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Naturally, Mike implies he isn’t going, but soon realizes that he kind of misses what he did and joins up. They make a pit stop at a beach and Mike meets up with a young woman named Zoe (Amber Heard). They end up passing through various locations until they make another stop at a particular club that Mike used to work in, ran by Rome (Jada Pinkett Smith). After demonstrating that Mike still has talent, Rome reluctantly helps Mike and his Kings of Tampa on their way to the blowout, all the while meeting up with Zoe and her family and friends, whom the Kings tease with their charm, except Big Dick Richie (Joe Manganiello) who slept with one of the older women. Before long, the Kings leave, but not before Mike invites Zoe to the blowout. Upon arrival, the Kings begin to work on new routines to make a bigger impact than their older ones. One by one, they are a big hit at the blowout. End movie.
It was awful, but in hindsight, I don’t know why I was expecting different. Like I mentioned before, I was led to believe that the first movie wasn’t half bad, but a 6.1/10 on IMDb.com kind of seemed like that statement was rendered invalid. It wasn’t until later that all of my previous expectations about the movie were indeed correct. That it was terrible and meant for horny middle-aged women and twenty-somethings, the stereotypical flamboyantly gay, or for non-horny women who wanted to see it with their gay friends for it’s stupidity. In short, not for me. So I went in to this with the wrong mind-set.
I won’t say the movie didn’t have its moments. The scene with Manganiello doing a strip-tease for a convenient store cashier, dancing to the Backstreet Boys was pretty fucking funny. Also, I was kind of bouncing between highly entertained/disturbed from seeing Michael Strahan stripping in a club. Regardless, it wasn’t boring. And oh my god, I don’t know what it with Pinkett Smith. This woman is such a fantastic actress, but she’s just never had a big break that skyrocketted her to Will Smith’s level, which is a shame because she’s just as good. This one’s no different.
Honestly though, as much as I want to rip the story a new one, I’m opting to just turn my brain off and let the movie speak for itself. I could go on for days about what’s wrong with this story, but I have no patience for it. Although I will say two things about it. First, it’s boring. In a 2 hour movie, there’s probably a grand total of about 15-20 minutes of actual stripping, and only 2 to 5 of those minutes were actually entertaining. The rest is just the characters talking about who-gives-a-fuck. I’d have a little more respect for it if it was at least keeping me from being bored, but I was fighting to stay awake through most of this movie. And second, about half way through the movie, I had realized that XXL and PITCH PERFECT 2 are basically the same movie. A group of talented individuals (the Kings and the Bellas) set off on a journey to enter a competition (stripping and a cappella) which they both ambiguously win(?). Oh and throw in Elizabeth Banks hosting both events for good measure.
This movie is exactly what it makes itself out to be. If you’re a fan of the first movie, I bet this one’s right up your alley. If you have no interest in seeing it, you’re probably a straight dude and lucky enough to not be me. That’s everyone’s cue to make fun of me.
My honest rating for MAGIC MIKE XXL: An unsurprising weak, 2/5