These “transfer” reviews are from when I only did reviews on my Facebook page back in 2015. Bare in mind when reading these, I didn’t have the same formula in my review writing that I do now, and my usual “who starred and who directed” information is completely absent, so everything “italicized” is new. With that said, enjoy this review from 2015.
As many of you know, I am not a hardcore gamer. So I’m not going to pretend to know anything about the HITMAN video game franchise. Never played one game despite critical acclaim and personal interest. I know there was a film adaptation back in 2007 staring Timothy Olyphant that wasn’t exactly a hit, so I never bothered to make the time to see it. Plus, video game adaptations haven’t quite hit that cinematic mark that comic book movies have. Translation: they tend to suck. Even the best of them are just mediocre stand-alone films. Maybe the casting is pitch perfect, but the delivery of a compelling story or well-developed characters takes a back seat to the action scenes, which are not always creative or well done, coming off as silly and occasionally boring. Fast-forward eight years, HITMAN: AGENT 47 was announced, it kind of came out of left field. I’m not sure if there was any hype around it. Pile that lack of marketing alongside my already-cemented disinterest, I didn’t have high hopes that this movie would be either good or successful. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to see it at all. Only reason I did was because a dear friend of mine went and saw it and, quite literally, her review was the only thing I had to go off of. So, I hit the road to Sherman Oaks put a couple tokyo teas in me (something was telling me I’d need them) and relaxed, turning my brain off.
Cast: Rupert Friend (THE DEATH OF STALIN , and upcoming films A SIMPLE FAVOR  and AT ETERNITY’S GATE ), Hannah Ware (the upcoming THE ANGEL ), Zachary Quinto (SNOWDEN , STAR TREK BEYOND , and TALLULAH , and the upcoming HOTEL ARTEMIS ), Ciarán Hinds (RED SPARROW , JUSTICE LEAGUE , BLEED FOR THIS , and the upcoming CAPTAIN MORTEN AND THE SPIDER QUEEN ), and Thomas Kretschmann (CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE , WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT , AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON , and upcoming films BALLON  and DISCARNATE )
Director: Aleksander Bach (directorial debut; congrats, sir)
Writers: Skip Woods (SABOTAGE  and X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE ) and Michael Finch (AMERICAN ASSASSIN , and the upcoming MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE )
Composer: Marco Beltrami (A QUIET PLACE , LOGAN , THE SHALLOWS , and FAN4STIC )
Cinematographer: Óttar Guðnason (stuff I’ve never heard of)
Editor: Nicolas De Toth (THE COMMUTER )
This is my honest opinion of: HITMAN: AGENT 47
Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) is a specially trained assassin who never seems to fail to close a contract. He is currently contracted to kill a young woman named Katia (Hannah Ware). Katia is a particularly gifted girl who is looking for her father and why he abandoned her as a young child. Turns out, her gifts include enhanced hearing and incredible awareness. It’s not long before an organization called the Syndicate (holy shit, ROGUE NATION much?) is after Katia as well. They send their own man, John Smith (Zachary Quinto), under the guise of protecting her from agents like 47, whom catches up with them. Everyone wants her because they believe she’s close to finding her father, a geneticist named Peter Litvenko (Ciarán Hinds), who is responsible for the creation of the agents.
While I won’t say this movie was boring, it does get pretty entertaining, but the trend of bad video game adaptations continues with one-dimensional characters, run-of-the-mill lazy story and plot… straight up, this movie is just bad.
I am not familiar with Friend’s work, but I sure hope he gives better performances than this in his role in HOMELAND the TV show. 47 is written like a Terminator, but less interesting. Again, my knowledge about HITMAN is limited at best. I can’t say how faithful Friend’s portrayal of 47 is to the video game, but I do remember the bad-ass video game cinematic trailer HITMAN: ABSOLUTION. That cinematic was hard-hitting, brutal, merciless, straight-up awesome. The character seemed like he was a dignified killer with his own set or morals and respectability. In this movie, he’s just a machine, and I almost don’t mean that metaphorically. There’s no sense of struggle when he fights. I don’t recall grunts, or yelps of pain, he takes each hit like a Terminator would, but this dude isn’t a machine. Fine, he’s a ruthless killer and feels no pity, remorse, or fear (seriously, TERMINATOR!!!) but dear god, the dude is still a dude. You punch him, he bleeds. Limp, damn it, show us pain, give us a sense that you can lose. If you can’t make us care about the emotions you don’t have, help us care about whether or not we want to see you die. The movie doesn’t do that and therefore, the character is not done justice, so I would think. Fans, would you like to chime in?
The rest of the cast doesn’t fare much better. Sure, I like Quinto okay enough, but a piss-poor script with face-palm-inducing dialog doesn’t help him shine. He’s done better work than this. Why, man? Why did you say yes to this? Honestly, the only character that displays any depth to her is relative newcomer, Ware. Again, a bad script may not shoot her star very high, and hopefully this movie doesn’t keep her from better roles in the future, but Jesus, this girl gives everything to her performance. You can see her determination, her inner struggles, you see that she hates the circumstances she’s in, but doesn’t come off as obnoxious. Instead, she adapts and deals with it, even becoming stronger as a result. Granted her evolution is forced because the plot demands this be a brainless action flick, but I do think Ware does a decent job with the stuff she’s been given.
Okay, I got a question here. If you have lung cancer, do you constantly need an inhaler for that? Inhalers are for treating asthma. So… what, can certain inhalers help lung cancer in some way? I don’t recall the movie saying that this old dude has asthma. This was a Hollywood @#$% up, wasn’t it?
I didn’t go in with high expectations and I wasn’t really disappointed. This movie is so bleh and standard that it’s more accurate to call it sub-par. It could have been a hell of a lot worse, but not by much.
My honest rating for HITMAN: AGENT 47: 2/5