THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED (transfer) review

Scroll down to content

These “transfer” reviews are from when I only did reviews on my Facebook page back in 2015. Bare in mind when reading these, I didn’t have the same formula in my review writing that I do now, and my usual “who starred and who directed” information is completely absent, so everything “italicized” is new. With that said, enjoy this review from 2015.

I’m not the biggest fan of this franchise. I’m just going to throw that out there. Mostly because I’m not a Jason Statham fan. But that’s a rant for another time. I’m here to put my thoughts out there on this film that doesn’t have Statham, but instead has relatively new actor Ed Skrein (GAME OF THRONES) and slightly more well-known actor Ray Stevenson (DEXTER and the DIVERGENT series). Does this movie hold up to its popular predecessors?

Cast: Ed Skrein (DEADPOOL [2016], and the upcoming ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL [2018]), Ray Stevenson (THOR: RAGNAROK [2017], ALLEGIANT [2016], and the upcoming FINAL SCORE [2018]), Loan Chabanol (stuff I’ve never heard of), Radivoje Bukvic (OUR KIND OF TRAITOR [2016])

Director: Camille Delamarre (TAKEN 2 [2012], LOCKOUT [2012], and TRANSPORTER 3 [2008])
Writers: Adam Cooper and Bill Collage (ASSASSIN’S CREED [2016] and ALLEGIANT), and Luc Besson (VALERIAN [2017], and the upcoming ANNA [2018])
Composer: Alexandre Azaria (stuff I’ve never heard of)
Cinematographers: Christophe Collette (BRICK MANSIONS [2014]) and Vincent Richard (stuff I’ve never heard of)
Editor: Julien Rey (VALERIAN and LUCY [2014])

This is my honest opinion of: THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED

(SUMMARY)

Frank Miller (Ed Skrein) is a driver, usually for the shadiest of clients. He never wants to know names, or the contents of what he’s helping transport. He’s pure business. From where to where, half up front, half upon completion, the whole nine yards. Helps that he’s a skilled fighter, but hates guns, making him a fairly reliable and dangerous asset for those who hire him. And he’s always on time. Except his more recent client… his very own father, Frank Sr. (Ray Stevenson). Not really for a job, Frank Jr. is just picking him up for a visit, have dinner and chat about nothing, just a standard father/son dinner. Well, things get fun when Jr. gets a call from a woman who wants to hire his services. Later, they meet and she gives him the low down. Two packages for tranport. Well, sort of. The two packages turn out to be two women and the three of them just robbed a safety deposit box belonging to their… pimp?… Arkady Karasov (Radivoje Bukvic), a former military buddy.

(REVIEW)

It sucks. Holy hell does it suck. Kudos for not being overly boring though. But that’s a bad sign if an action movie is boring. Granted, I didn’t go in thinking that this movie would be any good, but… damn…

First of all, I have this huge issue with the women being portrayed in this movie. Look, gratuitous shots of women in their underwear and close-ups of their lady bits isn’t new in action films, even the bad ones… especially the bad ones. But they don’t shy away from making even the protagonist females dress a little more practical. Slaves dressed like that makes sense, but these women aren’t in servitude anymore and yet they totally flaunt their bodies around. Going the route of STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS, it’s sexiness for the sake of sexiness. Rhyme or reason is as concrete as the loch ness monster. Sadly, that comparison is unfair because INTO DARKNESS only did it once. This movie has it THROUGHOUT. Seriously, you’d think a 14 year old horny boy wrote this movie.

About the only saving grace this movie has is Stevenson. He’s the only one having any fun with the role he’s been given. Everyone else… oh god, unforgettable as all shit. Skrein is just running around doing his worst Statham impression and… so is everyone else! Seriously, the bad guys are doing Statham impressions! It’s kind of hilarious in the way of someone telling a joke that’s so horrible that you’re giggling as you face-palm yourself.

I didn’t think I could complain about this in 2015, but the CGI is terrible. When it’s so visible that even a 5 year old can point it out, that’s a bad sign guys. That’s… I can’t even talk about it. When CGI is obvious, that’s one thing. But straight up BAD, that’s rare.

Honestly, this was just thrown together for a quick buck. Thankfully, the film tanked and hopefully we won’t hear from this franchise for awhile. Maybe something of substance will come about in another, what, seven years? Or, you know, fuck this uninteresting franchise and move on with our lives. There’s an idea, Hollywood. How ’bout it?

My honest rating for THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED: 1/5

transporter_refueled_xlg

One Reply to “THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED (transfer) review”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: