Ugh, I thought this was a sci-fi about a band of misfits who have a mind-reading teenager on the run from a totalitarian government who discovered their dirty secrets. This movie is totally misleading!

The story looks like it’s about a man who reunites with a long-lost flame who wants her new husband dead, and it seems like everyone knows about it.

Here’s the cast. Starring, we have Matthew McConaughey (RICK [2018], GOLD [2017], KUBO [2016], and the upcoming THE BEACH BUM [2019]), Anne Hathaway (OCEANS 8 [2018], COLOSSAL [2017], ALICE 2 [2016], upcoming films THE HUSTLE [2019] and THE LAST THING HE WANTED [2019]), Jason Clarke (FIRST MAN [2018], KNIGHT OF CUPS [2016], EVEREST [2015], and upcoming films THE AFTERMATH [2019] and PET SEMATARY [2019]), Diane Lane (TULLY [2018], PARIS CAN WAIT [2017], BATMAN V SUPERMAN [2016], INSIDE OUT [2015], and MAN OF STEEL [2013]), and Djimon Hounsou (AQUAMAN [2018], KING ARTHUR [2017], TARZAN [2016], TRAIN/DRAGON 2 [2014], and upcoming films CAPTAIN MARVEL [2019] and SHAZAM! [2019]).

Now for the crew. Writing and directing is Steven Knight, known for GIRL/WEB (2018) and BURNT (2015). Composing the score is Benjamin Wallfisch, known for DARKEST MINDS (2018), BLADE RUNNER 2049 (2017), HIDDEN FIGURES (2016), and upcoming films SHAZAM! and HELLBOY (2019). The cinematographer is Jess Hall, known for GHOST/SHELL (2017). Finally, the editor is Laura Jennings, known for MORGAN (2016), and upcoming films HELLBENT (2019) and MALEFICENT: MISTRESS OF EVIL (2020).

Overall, I honestly couldn’t stop laughing at this trailer. It looks so pretentious! “Around here, everyone says they know everything, but what if the truth was… nobody knows anything.” Gee, those people are on some might high horses then. And it looks like it’s trying so hard to be gritty and suspenseful, but I have such a hard time taking this trailer seriously. I’m still all for it, but it just looks silly.

This is my honest opinion of: SERENITY

 

(SUMMARY)

Set in the fictional Plymouth, Island. Baker Dill (Matthew McConaughey) is obsessed with catching the near-legendary tuna that no one has managed to catch, and is determined to be the first. Despite his failures, he manages to get by financially. Things change when he’s paid a visit by an old flame, Karen (Anne Hathaway), mother to his teenage son Patrick (Rafael Sayegh), whom left him many years ago for the wealthier Frank (Jason Clarke), who has proven to be quite abusive over the years. Now, Karen has asked Dill to kill Frank by feeding him to sharks on his private boat in exchange for $10 million. At first, Dill refuses, but eventually decides to go for it.

(REVIEW)

Holy fuck, this movie! Okay, let’s be clear. I love this movie. But let me also be clear, I don’t blame a single person who has nominated this as the worst movie of the year. It is absolutely earned. But I’m telling you right now, for whatever reason or other, this is likely going to make my Top 10 for just how insanely bad, yet hilarious this movie is.

For one thing, this movie made absolutely certain that I would not care about any character that this movie introduced. Sure, Djimon Hounsou’s Duke is a likable enough guy, but he’s not the focus. McConaughey’s Baker Dill is and he’s as deplorable as they come. He’s paid handsomely to bring in the legendary tune “Justice,” but refuses to let the captain of that boat real it in. He’s also a dick to Duke, telling him that he’s bad luck and it all started with the death of his wife. What an asshole! To make matters even more randomly entertaining, he’s a whore. I don’t even mean that in a derogatory way, he literally sells out his body to Diane Lane’s Constance for money. I mean, it’s Diane Lane, who wouldn’t, but it’s so infrequent to see a woman paying for a man for sex. The last time I saw that was MISS SLOANE, over two years ago. But then again, MAGIC MIKE exists, so maybe McConaughey is keeping his own tradition of selling his body alive. You do you, bro… or, maybe just let Diane Lane and Anne Hathaway do you.

But it doesn’t stop there. Hathaway’s Karen enters the film and… by God, where do I begin with this? For one thing, her acting is awful. She’s like a parody of an 80’s noir film. But what makes it so fascinating is that it comes off like she knows that. It looks like she’s trying to be the resident femme fatale and it works brilliantly… in how it… doesn’t work. It’s so strange, but that’s the impression that I got. It’s like Hathaway knew she was in a piece of shit film and decided to go all the way with it. The way she talks and lays down the business of asking her former lover to kill her abusive husband just feels ungodly pretentious. Like a middle school student trying to act edgy, but coming off as adorable. I can barely describe much else. That’s just her character. Even when Frank (Jason Clarke) comes into the story, you just don’t care about her problems. She’s just wholly submissive to his urges and perversions. Not that I’m saying there’s not mental and emotional reasons why women don’t stand up to the abusive boyfriends and husbands that they continue to stay with, but there’s always a backstory to that. Broken homes, daddy issues, early mental, emotional, even physical abuse, to explain all that. Here, Karen is so one-dimensional that it’s almost a wonder why she doesn’t off her own husband in her own way. You would almost think that she’s setting up Dill to take the fall for something, but that’s never really the case. She doesn’t actively try to avoid Frank, she stays close by him and opens herself up to his abuse. It’s really strange and not engaging in the way that I think was intended.

And yes, let’s talk about Clarke as Frank. By God, for a man who has oodles of talent as an actor, he sure draws the short straws a lot, doesn’t he? Never used to his full potential. This isn’t exactly a change in his pattern, but for a different reason very similar to Hathaway. Both are terrible in the movie, but both seem very aware that they’re in a bad movie. Where as Hathaway acts like she’s in a 40’s movie, Clarke acts like he’s in a Rob Zombie movie. He’s so obnoxious in how obviously dick-ish he is that it swings right back around to being comical. He’s drunk all the time, he talks shit about Patrick the son, calling him a faggot, he questions how Karen gets scars on her hip- actually, for that matter, so was I. Why was an entire ten seconds of the movie focused on that? We never see her bump into anything, or get any indication of a mild injury, so what’s was up with that? Oh, to PG-13 away Hathaway’s naked body? Got it. That makes perfect sense, you rated-R movie. Honestly, I would be totally convinced if Clarke was drunk off his ass in this movie because his line delivery was filled with almost too much conviction. The way Frank talks about Patrick, you’d swear to God another take was just him talking about Steven Knight and somehow managed to replace it with “Patrick.”

While I’m 100 percent against talking about, or even hinting at the existence of, twists in a movie, this has one that is completely bananas. Honestly, I’m basically Illidan Stormrage from Warcraft.

You really aren’t. The moment the twist pops up, you’re immediately questioning what’s real more than your first time watching THE MATRIX. You will literally leave the theater wondering what the fuck you just saw. Whereas I understand someone getting mad at this movie for that, I couldn’t help but have a blast. It’s so bizarre, so insane, so ridiculous that it’s kind of amazing. I want to see this again so badly. As a recommendation, only see this if you have that sensibility of knowing you’re seeing a bat-shit crazy movie and want to laugh at its choices. Beyond that, if you’re expecting a gritty, hardcore revenge crime thriller, you’re going to leave believing you’ve wasted your time.

My honest rating for SERENITY: 5/5

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