Ho boy… another religious movie. At least, I think it is. The poster and little girl make it out to be, but… eh.

The story looks like it’s about a woman who wants to enter a dance contest where the prize money will help save her dance studio, but needs a dance partner. It’s also about a single father, whose daughter is, I’m assuming, a student of the dance teacher, and he becomes her dance partner as the two also find romance in each other.

Here’s the cast. Starring, we have Peta Murgatroyd (acting debut; congrats miss), Robert Krantz (BACK TO THE FUTURE [1985]), and Aria Walters (stuff I’ve either never seen or heard of).

In support, we have Corbin Bernsen (1 episode of CASTLE [2009 – 2016], and upcoming films SUNRISE IN HEAVEN [2019] and SENSORY PERCEPTION [2019]), M. Emmet Walsh (THE IRON GIANT [1999], FREE WILLY 2: THE ADVENTURE HOME [1995], and the upcoming RAISING BUCHANAN [2019]), Ed Asner (UP [2009], video game STAR WARS KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC II: THE SITH LORDS [2004]), Natasha Bure (1 episode of MAKE IT OR BREAK IT [2009 – 2012]), and Michael Richards (BEE MOVIE [2007]).

Now for the crew. Writing, editing, and co-directing, we have co-star, Krantz, known for stuff I’ve either never seen or heard of. Krantz’s co-director is J.J. Englert, known for stuff I’ve either never seen or heard of. Co-composing the score are Robert Mai (stuff I’ve either never seen or heard of) and Ryan Stratton (stuff I’ve either never seen or heard of). Finally, the cinematographer is Pascal Combes-Knoke, known for stuff I’ve either never seen or heard of, and the upcoming TRAUMA THERAPY (2019).

Overall, if this isn’t heavy on religious overtones, I think I’ll manage just fine. Beyond that, why is this in theaters? It looks like it belongs on the Hallmark or Lifetime channels.

This is my honest opinion of: FAITH, HOPE & LOVE

 

(SUMMARY)

Three years ago, Jimmy Elpidas’ (Robert Krantz) wife passed away. Today, he is taking care of his two daughters Gia (Natasha Bure) and Demetra (Aria Walters). One day, Demetra tells her father to sign up for an upcoming dance contest, the Pro-Schmo Dance Competition, with her dance instructor, Faith Turley (Peta Murgatroyd), to help with her dance studio, where Demetra takes dance lessons. Secretly, she wants her dad and Faith to fall in love.

(REVIEW)

Ugh, it’s going to be hard to not curse, but here we go. Yeah, this movie is bad. The opening titles basically give you exactly what you should expect: lots of dancing, and Jesus. This doesn’t even need to be a theatrical release. It belongs on the Lifetime or Hallmark channel. There’s nothing cinematic about this.

I have no idea what to talk about in this review. How many times can I point at a scene and say, “I didn’t find that interesting”? Oh well, I have to at least try. Fingers crossed.

The humor falls short. When dudes are signing up to dance with Faith, the dudes are either cartoonishly perverted, or so socially awkward that I’m more wondering who let them out of the insane asylum. Especially the Hogwood father and son. Seriously, they’re older dudes who look like they’re ten years apart! Didn’t buy that for a second. Also, the character Tommy (Gary Hershberger) literally introduces himself in the movie by obnoxiously knocking on a glass door and shouting, “It’s me!” Here I am jerking my head back asking, “Who are you?!” Oh, and this isn’t just some awkward one-off, he does this three freakin’ times in the movie. Like, that’s his shtick and it never improves. Even the characters addressing it doesn’t miraculously make it funnier.

This movie also tries to undermine single fathers. Uh… screw you too, movie, plenty do perfectly fine on their own. Also, Jimmy is seriously the strictest dad in the world. No sleepovers? Why not?! Fine if you’re not a fan of sleepovers at your house, but if it’s at someone else’s, why not?! And there’s no reason for it either. Not even so much as a, “why not” from Gia.

Can I ask… do dating sites really not offer video interviews?! I mean, the 80s and 90s had notoriously bad VHS interviews, didn’t they? Are you seriously trying to convince me that dating sites don’t do this today, in our narcissistic obsession with selfies? Yeah, calling this movie out on that… *one Google search later* Actually, I think there might be some truth to this. I see one article saying, “Dating apps are embracing video,” or another site is, “Celebrating its new video feature,” so… maybe this movie was kind of on to something. How?! It’s the age of freakin’ smartphones!

Probably goes without saying, but there’s bad writing. Like, apparently Faith thought she was giving Jimmy mixed signals when he was praying and said the word, “fellowship.” Um… wow, that’s all it took? Maybe the erotic fan art for the Lord of the Rings movies were on to something. But for real, take a few things at face value, sweetheart. And who prays on the hood of an Uber driver’s car? And if she’s not religious, why does she join Jimmy in praying?! Once again, Lifetime movie. Also, the movie tries to tell us that Faith is bad at dating because she’s shy. Thing is, we never see her be shy in any other part of the movie. Strange detail to mention and not show. Also the hallmark of lazy writing.

Why is this movie trying so hard to coin the phrase, “Hit me one time.” It’s said at least seven times. A little late on the uptake there. Pretty sure 90s Britney Spears has a firm monopoly on this variation. Just saying.

Overall, this movie’s got nothing to it. I can’t say I hate the movie, and it’s not worth getting mad at. It doesn’t try to be anything ambitious, the characters are forgettable, the writing is made for TV, the acting is whatever, this movie is just going to go in one ear and out the other. I’ll forget I saw this in a few days. As a recommendation, hard pass. Don’t bother on any level.

My honest rating for FAITH, HOPE & LOVE: 2/5

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Next week’s reviews:

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10 Replies to “FAITH, HOPE & LOVE review”

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