Cast: Edward Furlong (TERMINATOR 2 ), Anthony Edwards (ZODIAC  and TOP GUN ), and Clancy Brown (CHAPPAQUIDDICK , THOR 3 , WARCRAFT , THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE  and SPONGE OUT OF WATER , THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION , and the upcoming THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: IT’S A WONDERFUL SPONGE )
Director: Mary Lambert (1 episode of ARROW [2012 – ongoing])
Writer: Richard Outten (stuff that I’ve either never seen or heard of)
Composer: Mark Governor (stuff that I’ve either never seen or heard of)
Cinematographer: Russell Carpenter (XXX 3 , ANT-MAN , CHARLIE’S ANGELS  and FULL THROTTLE , and the upcoming AVATAR 2 )
Editor: Tom Finan (SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS  and HERCULES )
This is my honest opinion of: PET SEMATARY TWO
Jeff Matthews (Edward Furlong) is the son of famed actress, Renee Hallow (Darlanne Fluegel) and sadly witnesses her die of an accidental on-set electrocution. Burying her in her hometown, Jeff and his veterinarian father Chase (Anthony Edwards) move in to this quiet town to start over. Things aren’t smooth sailings though, as Jeff already gets himself some bullies to contend with, lead by Clyde (Jared Rushton). But at least he gets a new best friend in the form of Drew (Jason McGuire), who has a strict police officer step-father named Gus (Clancy Brown), who used to date Renee. Gus is a short tempered man, and when Drew’s dog Zowie annoys him, he shoots the dog and kills it. Knowing of the Native American burial site close by, he enlists Jeff in burying Zowie in hopes of bringing the dog back to life. It works, but Zowie isn’t the same and eventually kills Gus. Jeff and Drew bury him as well and he comes back not quite the same as well.
Okay, I know that the first movie has a great deal of fans, but honestly, and I say this without a lick of irony, I adore this movie. I think it’s one of the more entertainingly bad movies that I’ve seen in recent years. What makes it so amazing in my eyes? Well let me tell you, dear reader.
The first half of the flick is, admittedly, pretty clichéd and slow. It’s the “new kid in town” story with Jeff getting bullied for no reason and having a strained relationship with his dad. I also have to admit that, for as dull as the movie is, Furlong does remind me that he used to be a pretty decent young actor. He had some charm in his performance and you really felt for Jeff who wasn’t a bad kid, but he wasn’t a stereotypical “Jesus” kid either. When Jeff is bullied by Clyde, he at least fights back and punches the little shit in the face. I like when bullied kids don’t take shit like that and fight back. They don’t have to win the fights, necessarily, but some form of standing up for themselves is always refreshing.
Actually, come to think of it, the movie doesn’t even feel like it belongs in the Pet Sematary universe, as it doesn’t seem to follow any of the rules established in the first flick. If an animal comes back, it’s changed, and becomes violent and hostile. A dog in a flashback murders people, and Church scratches Louis Creed. However, when Zowie comes back, it just seems to growl a lot and look menacing, but doesn’t actually do anything until toward the second half of the movie when she kills Gus. So… what took her so long? Was this movie actually going the route of beloved animals coming back to protect their loving owners from threats? I had no idea, but it seemed pretty contrived and even a little confusing.
But then everything fucking changes when Jeff and Drew decide to bury Gus in the burial site and comes back. From this point on, Clancy Brown owns this movie with some of the most hilarious and entertaining acting I’ve ever seen. Again, this movie doesn’t follow any of the rules from the previous flick. Gus comes back, but never actually murders anyone, and I swear that this movie wouldn’t be half as fun if he did. He legit has animalistic sex with Drew’s mom Amanda (Lisa Waltz), spontaneously starts murdering his collection of rabbits, twisting their necks and skinning them, all the while Jeff and Drew are casually watching as if they were watching something weird, as opposed to something disturbing. Then there’s a scene ripped right out of EVIL DEAD 2 where Gus starts hysterically and maniacally laughing with food in his mouth, eventually getting the kids to laugh with him, as if he was actually being funny, completely forgetting about the horrific bunny genocide a few minutes ago. Even when he does start murdering people, his insanity and hokey acting only intensifies to unprecedented comedic levels that I can’t possible describe them.
Even Furlong gets infected with the bat-shit insane performance toward the end as he becomes hilariously creepy right the fuck out of nowhere. And though I’m not giving anything away in this review, the climax is so bananas that I couldn’t help but laugh and cheer, and just having the time of my life. Hell fucking yeah I recommend this movie. Hell, I recommend this well over the original film, as blasphemous as that may be to say for the purists out there, who probably hate this sequel’s guts. As for me, I say it’s far more worth it if you’re in the market for something so bad, it’s great.
My honest rating for PET SEMATARY TWO: a strong 4/5